The Day I Lost You A Little is a Wordarry that is much closer to my heart. For reasons that it’s some taken from my life and much weaved as it went along.
The Day I Lost You A Little
Whenever I think of pain and hurt,
I always remember my abusive first relationship.
But that night, as I frantically looked in your eyes for an ounce of trust and belief.
It felt like someone punched me in the gut, and my heart sunk to an unknown bottom, pulling me with it.
This was a pain and hurt, I had never known.
I realized then, all over again, how much you mean to me and the love I feel for you.
This feeling is beyond the universe and the world around.
The question crawled like a slimy monster, promising to destroy me, threatening to break me and make it true.
“Did I lose you a little?”
A shiver ran through me and I shuddered. ‘NO’ screamed my soul.
The most precious person in my life. I cannot loose you, not even a little.
I can fight the world, face all the possible problems, that there can be and even fight the sun.
But I can’t loose you, not even a little.
I struggled, I wished I could make it better, make the time go back and not do the mistake I did, even though unconscious.
Hurting you, is the last thing I ever want to do.
Many a times, I thought I would beg you to believe me again. I cannot take this look in your eyes.
It hit me, how connected I am to you. You are my soul mate and it hurts real bad, when your other half of the soul refuses to believe you.
The years flashed by, everything we have ever been together. All the fights, all the struggles and it seemed nothing, as to this monster in front of me, of not having you believe me no more.
‘ I understand. Am sorry!’ I repeat like a gramophone stuck in it’s track, as you hugg you tight, like holding you real close and tight could bring it all back.
‘I can’t breathe!’ this hurts really bad, but I see how much more it hurts you.
In this hurt, you still feel bad for seeing me this way and say ‘You’ll try and you are sorry’
This fills my heart with soo much love and regret, for making you feel this way. ‘How can you love me this much? Even in hurt and pain?’
It scares me to look at your eyes again, what if I see the same disbelief again. I can’t see it again.
Getting myself together, I need to accept this. being in denial won’t work.
This will always remain the day I lost you a little.
I have to accept it. How else will I fight and get you back.
I need to accept it. I have to fight for it. Even if it takes the life out of me.
I want you back. As a whole. Completely mine.
Am gonna make you mine and no day nor anything or anyone can ever stop me.
You mean the universe to me and my world revolves around you. It has, is and will always.
I Love You!