We live in the 21st century and yet in many ways the expectation of a society and the general norms of a husband-wife relationship seems to have hardly evolved. I could pick and choose couples who have actually made their own rules. Am glad to have found a partner with whom I make a life of our own. We are Equal. In the true sense of it.
6 year Relationship and Then the Marriage…
Dating and being married is two very different things. (Hey you, the one shaking the head, I was like you too who believed, there ain’t a difference, until I got married.) Marriage is definitely a different ball game all together.
We knew eachother for about 7 years, been in a relationship for 6 years, before we tied the knot. We sure did go through our share of ups and downs, honeymoon period to scary period to peace period. But we always stuck our neck up and found eachother everytime. This was more or less our litmus that we want to be with eachother. Tada! We were married(well it wasn’t that simple, but that’s a story for an another time 😉 )
Marriages, my friends, are not just about the bride and the groom, specifically in India. This hit us, only once the marriage preps started. In many ways it turned out to be another scary roller coaster ride with tunnels and even demons popping out of the blue at us. I must say, if it was anybody else except ‘him’, I would never have been able to sustain marriage at all.
“We are Equal” he says
No matter the era we are in, our society and the family around doesn’t stop to set rules on how a girl should be, wear, behave and do, once she is married. This, for an independent, feminist girl like me is super frustrating and H-E-L-L.
It surprises me even today, how the boyfriend transformed to be a husband. Continuing to be a best friend who always had my back. I strongly believe the work is not gender based. May it be at home or at office or anywhere in the world. Yes of course, except the having a baby part, because women are wired that way. Indian homes are largely focused on women toiling away at office and then at home, while the men just work outside and need rest.
My husband wriggled out of his comfort zone and took a stand to be equally involved in house work. He brought change at home and mindset with his small steps. I can’t tell you how much I love that about him. He normalized sharing house work and even encouraged me to do whatever I wished to do, without an ounce of guilt or fear. Whether it is sleeping in or not doing any house work at all, just focusing on my freelance work.
We are equal, he said. He did not ‘Help’ me in the kitchen, but took over at times like a responsibility he ought to do. Am sure there were times he cursed for having to do all this ;), but never did he stop or say anything to me. While the society constantly tried to insult him or remind him he’s doing a woman’s job, he gulped it. ‘It is my job also’, he said with a smile. My heart did a somersault to know, this is who I married.
Change Starts at Home
There were times, I fretted and hissed when people called me ‘dominant’ because I am outspoken and spoke my mind to the husband everytime. But he calmed me everytime saying, ‘I don’t have a problem with how you are and what do people know about our relationship anyways’. My eyes twinkled to know, he loved me for who I was. We are equal, is what his actions spoke every single time.
The tiny things he did to keep me happy and to consciously take up equal responsibilities made huge impact and initiated a change. We are equal, in the decisions we take, in the things we do and the future plans we make. My voice matters as much as his does. There is no ego of being ‘The man’, but the focus is on being more human. We are equal, as we finally are human beings only right? Not a man, not a woman, but humans who respect eachother’s thoughts, opinions, choices and in noway tries to control the other.
I love you babu for being who you are and loving me for who I am.
I wish there were more men, who played the equal role not just on paper but in real life. More so, they did not boast of doing something really great but treated it as a normal way of life. Small things you do can make a big difference, not just for that person but impacts the overall mindset too.
It is not just the responsibility of the husband but also of the wife, to treat eachother equal. That’s when the real change will happen.
Kadam Chota Change Bada
Every change begins with a small step, whether it’s a change within your family, or the whole country! India’s hero, Padman, had its digital premiere on ZEE5, on 11th May. Don’t miss this inspiring true-life story, only on ZEE5. Download the app and subscribe now. For every subscription, ZEE5 will donate Rs. 5 towards the personal hygiene needs of underprivileged women.