The ad said, Urgently needed. A fair, beautiful MBA educated girl of height 5’6 for a NRI boy of 12 lakhs package. But the undertone said, need a Sanskari Sundar Silent Selfless Bahu urgently. The girl must be able to use her MBA skills to become a house maid in the USA and her beauty to become a trophy wife. Oh! Not to forget I don’t think there is anything you need to know about our son, except he’s an NRI and earns a lakh per month.
Nope. The times have not changed. This is how it is even in the 21st century!
I am trying to say…
The technology has grown multi folds over the last few years. The floppy has moved to USB drives, the bulky GSM phones have now become 4G smartphones. Not to forget the tremendous growth of internet and how we can’t live without it anymore. Yet, there seems to be no growth in mindset. Okay! I know am being pessimistic and not seeing there has been change. When the ratio of it is pretty low, I still want to point out that things are moving towards the stone age. Especially in the area of marriage.
The women have always been strong and had the ability to stand through thick and thin. But now the women are also independent and seeking to be heard. They always had a voice, but now they want you to actually hear it. Especially when the topic of marriages come, suddenly it’s all back to ground zero for women. Marriages and the varied nuances of it, is one thing that hasn’t changed at all. ‘Whyyyyy?’ I scream, knowing there may not be any answer coming back.
So here is what am trying to say or rather ask, why nurture the girls to have dreams and wings to fly, when the ultimatum is to chop it off? Lets dwell some more into this concept shall we?
What is this obsession on Sanskari Sundar Silent Selfless Bahu?
Sanskar aka values is something everyone must have. May it be the son or the daughter in law. What is this expectation of the daughter in law needing to be sanskari specifically? It’s more like, a read between lines, that you should behave like a bahu. That is, wear all the necessary required ornaments and don’t forget the dress code. Sanskari for me has always meant values. The respecting elders, helping and understanding. This totally should depend on one’s behavior and is not directly or indirectly proportional to what the clothes are. The son wearing shorts is not disrespectful and cheap, while the bahu wearing it becomes uncultured and much more. Frankly, don’t you think the fault is in the mind of the people who say so and not really of the one who wears the clothes he/she likes?
Sundar. This is another obsession not just in India but across the world. Mind you, the sundar here means fair and a good figure. No matter how ugly or stupid the son looks, bahu sundar honi chahiye. After all it becomes one of the son’s only achievement, that he landed a girl who is good looking right? It amuses me how this is shamelessly asked for. Arey! We shall forgive if she doesn’t have manners or brains, but as long as she is good looking everything will work out. Hain na?
Silent and Selfless. This, my friends is the most ridiculous requirements many ask for. Silent to everything we say and keep doing things for us no matter what we say. If she inherently does this, she is the best bahu one could ever get and son gains another medal for landing her. If not, all hell breaks loose!
It’s time we seriously changed!
In the business of marriage, I always find that women are the greatest enemies of eachother. A mother tells her daughter to constantly adjust and suppress who she is. The mother in law glorifies her son, no matter what the faults and expects the bahu to either fix him or learn to get along. Mind you these mothers have undergone years of ill treatment and at times ‘no respect’ stage too. Yet, instead of changing it or standing up for the generations to come, they seem to subconsciously follow it in the name of tradition.
The moment the daughter in law has a voice, she becomes the dominant, disrespectful and unloving. When all she is doing is expressing what she thinks, feels and wants. Now I wonder why this is a mistake? It’s time that marriages are seen for what they are. JUST ANOTHER PHASE OF LIFE. Don’t glorify it as to the ultimate nirvana for anyone’s life, especially of that of a woman. Daughters are capable of taking care of themselves and their families too without any difficulty. Instead of pulling her down in the name of marriage, lift her up by allowing her voice to be heard.
And ladies, if we pull eachother down, then what’s the point? The point being, stop this rules and regulations on a girl in the name of marriage. Two people should marry to be with eachother and build a life for and with eachother. Nothing else matters.
We are not born to be married and it is not our ultimate goal in life. Neither do we need to be told what to do and what to wear in the name of being taken care! Let us live! We rather be Shakti and happy than being Sundar Susheel Silent and Selfless.
The new ad should be,
Have you read my #IHaveAVoiceToo series?