Marriage is said to be an institution, an amalgamation of not just two lives but of families. Quite agreed, but the idea (which seems to not go away yet) that staying married till the end of life is plainly a ‘notion’. It maybe offensive to many but yes it is just a ‘notion’ of having to stay married. Then again, not saying divorce is the only option. Many a times there can be problems that you can sort out by working together on them. But sometimes, it cannot be made alright and in some cases should not be also. Divorce!
There can be many reasons that you can find, to stay in a bad marriage and be sure if not you, people around you will come up with it. But when you find that one good reason, you need to walk away for the well being of yourself and the loved one, take that step. But be sure! Once you have made that decision, there is many a consequences you face being a woman. Yes I call it consequences, because they are unnecessary and you can avoid it but for some reason you do not and decide to go through it. Somewhere it’s also the mistakes of your loved ones you let you go through it.
Now, I write by the many things I have read, witnessed and seen. Many a things I should up for but also many I did not and feel guilty about it. Today I write to not voice the pain but to question the people around them who fail to stand up for them. You cannot just talk but need to really be there for these women. Having said that, there are many a men who suffer through a bad divorce too. But as I speak as a witness and haven’t seen any go through it. I apologize to not know what to say for them.
Coming back to the point, why is ‘Divorce’ still such a taboo word in India? Especially for women. Men mostly get a sympathetic nod and how it’s time for them to get married again. But very few women are even planted with an idea to remarry. If she has a kid, then forget it. More so, women are seen upon as extremely vulnerable people who don’t know how will they go through life. It’s time we changed these outdated thoughts, don’t you think so?
Yes she’s divorced. It sure wasn’t easy. Period!
Being divorced is just another phase of life. In a relationship, you break up, the same in marriage. To have decided to do this would have been a really hard decision. The journey with all the difficulties and suffering would have been really hard. You asking about it does not make it any better. So just accept it, than being melodramatic about it. Yes, you that aunt who pesters and makes ‘tsk.tsk’ noise every time you see her. Stop it!
She’s just divorced! Doesn’t mean she’s not and will not be happy
Why should a divorce mean unhappiness? Women who were in abusive relationship, were not treated well or not respected or cheated on, we should be proud of them for taking the decision to not be in this kind of relationship. They for once put their self-respect, themselves and their children above, which is great. It’s all the reason for her to be happy, free and think about a life ahead.
Yes she does not have a partner. No, it does not mean she needs one!
Having someone to love is good but does not mean, it’s utmost necessary. You sure love yourself more than anybody could ever even try too. It’s completely her choice, whether she decides to date someone or to marry again. You do not need to make a decision for her. Advice for her to be happy and that’s all.
Society has some serious bullshit ideas. Stop forcing her to live by it!
Don’t be a selfish human being who doesn’t stand for her daughter, sister, friend and decide you can’t answer or make the society understand. Who the fuck are they anyway? People who want to talk will always talk. If you are ashamed someone you love is going through a divorce or will be or is, then please grow up and understand their perspective. You should be supportive and proud of how independent they are and believe they’ll make it through. Stop the gossip!
pc: Dame magazine
Final point! Divorced women are not easy..
Yes am talking to the perverted men and women alike, who feel divorced ladies can be easily gotten into bed. They need just emotional support and someone to lean on, so you could just get them to sleep with you. All the women who talk and suggest such things, shame on you. Men who want some sex, spend some fucking money and go find it, instead of being a sadistic asshole to prey on their emotional state. Well there are many who feel, they could help them fulfil their physical needs, well hello, all women- married/unmarried may have physical needs and if they do, why the fuck will they come to a dumb nut such as you! Just saying!
Lastly to all the women who are thinking of or are in the process of or already are divorced, stop beating yourself about it. You got out of a silly, abusive or a cheating relationship and you should be proud of it! Don’t forget your struggle to have stood up and came out of it, but let it be your strength as you move along. Don’t let people tell you what’s right or wrong, decide for yourself and never ever let anyone take advantage of you.
You are entitled to happiness and finding happiness. Don’t hold back, just because some silly people are telling you how to be. Be you and be sure!
pc: The Stir
Stand up for your loved one! Stand true always. Love them for who they are and support them for where they want to go and who they want to be.