A girl goes through many stages in her life, but these 3 are the major ones that bring drastic changes to her and her life – when she hits puberty, when she gets married and the most important one, when she becomes a mother. I believe we as women; discover, loose and rediscover ourselves many a times in a lifetime.
Though stories, poems and articles try and explain it, none can fathom what and how it feels being a mother. I was curious to know how did they become a powerhouse of energy and a volcano of love. More so how do they manage it all, without anyone ever asking how she feels and mostly taken for granted, that she’ll be able to take care.
I speak to 3 mothers to understand, what goes on in their mind. 🙂
‘Being A Mother Changed Me’, say the Mommies
I had heard this phrase a lot, but in varied tones. Some as a realization, an achievement, a ‘I need to say this’ or ‘You need to listen to me’ tones. As closer family members, friends experienced motherhood, I came to see it. I have seen utmost happiness, frustrations, anger and volcanic bursts of love, up close and wondered ‘How the hell do these guys do this?’ There are times I thought, if they have completely lost it. I have seen people change to be softer and more mature to insanely illogical.
Dr. Divya, a dentist and co-founder of Adi’s Dentalaya says “Being a mother made me more patient.” Bindu, a techie working in TCS agrees adding,”I respect my mother more now after being a mother. To say it better, I understand the pain of other mothers and what they go through or have gone through. Being a mother has made me weak and strong, in a way they balance eachother out.”
Pic copyright @Bindu
Women are instinctively protective of the things and people they love. Babies being a part of them, this love and protectiveness can go overboard at times. Kusuma, a home magician(yes maker is old school), says “Priorities have changed, since I became a mother. Am not carefree as before, but now I constantly worry about my kid- his needs, future, happiness et.,al”
Being a mother can bring out traits in you that even you weren’t aware was even possible.
Life and Lifestyle Makes a Huge Turn
“Priorities, routine, responsibilities and even thoughts change when you become a mother”, says Kusuma, who is a mother of a 3 year old boy. Quite agree, all of a sudden, everything in your life becomes about the child. You start to think of them, even before your own self or any other loved one. You are always there for them, even at odd times. Bindu, a proud mom of a 6 year old daughter reminisces “I became more responsible, making longer life goals than short term goals. It become more about saving for her, for her better future.”
The way you look at life changes being a mother. Your child becomes a stronger part of every decision you make for yourself or otherwise. It invariably is taken as the mother’s responsibility, more than anyone else’s
“No matter the help you have at home, eventually it’s the child is a mother’s responsibilty”, says the mother of 3 year old boy, Dr Divya. Isn’t it true to the dot. If a baby cries, or fusses or needs to be fed or put to sleep, it will always be ‘help’ the other’s do. But they will turn to the mom, when they aren’t able to or want too. The mothers sure don’t have a choice, do they?
Stay at Home or Working Moms – Guilt seems to a Companion
“It is frustrating at times, as you have no time for yourself, being more hard for working women. I wonder if it is easier for SAHM(Stay at home moms)”, muses Dr. DIvya. But apparently it’s the same for them too. Kusuma, wanting to share and yet guilty of feeling this way says, “We don’t get time for ourselves. It makes me feel lost, to always be thinking of the kid. Not being able to do things I like and sacrificing more. Sleepless nights and at times its tough to handle” .
Yes, the families and the partner helps a lot. But It would be great if they can give moms a day off!
Pic copyright @Kusuma
I can almost feel Bindu nodding her head(for the feeling guilty too part), being a working mother, she is constantly guilty for not being there for her kid. More so she says, “It’s strange how you go out to have some ‘me’ time, but you end up missing your kid and all their nakras.” You can see a hint of guilt even in wanting to have sometime for her own.
It makes me wonder, why should mother’s be guilty to want some time for themselves? Why can’t the family be more supportive and give them a break? It probably should become a ritual, where the family consciously makes effort to give the ladies some time out. Also the mothers should start asking for it. Hell they deserve it, then why not?
‘It’s All Worth It In The End’, say the mothers
“You feel happy, when you see them happy, the care they show and their innocence. It makes all the other bad things go away!” says Kusuma. I have seen this, the smile and the utmost happiness that glows from a mother’s face when their child showers them with love or does something innocent. That’s why I called mother’s love a volcano, because when it bursts, there will be a lot more noise and tears. 🙂
Dr. Divya chimes in, “At the end of it all, there is no replacement to the love we get from our kids. It cannot be put in words. 🙂 A child brings the family together. The best feeling is when you return home and see your child waiting for you. It cannot be replaced by anything in the world.”
Pic copyright: @Divya & @3 Frames Rewind Moments
“I give more importance to well being than materialistic things. Being a mother has helped me get better at work too. Am more cautious and alert at work. Multitasking is sure an attribute developed being a mother. You are proud to see your kid grow, being everything that you don’t imagine to be but teaching you something all along.” concludes Bindu.
‘Be You Too’ – Like Seriously!
I can clearly conclude that being a mother is a roller coaster ride, every freaking day. It’s scary, confusing, joyful, frustrating, emotional and a ‘wtf am I feeling’ too. Kudos to all the mothers who battle it out each and everyday. No no, stop feeling guilty and explaining it’s not a battle. Just accept and wear your Wonder Woman attire proudly.
‘Being a mother is great but also being you is even more awesome’ – Opinionated Mua
There is one thing I would want to request each one of the mothers, make time for yourselves too. Don’t feel guilty, not even an ounce of it. Find time, make time or force the time to do what you love, pursue hobbies and love yourself. The more happier you are, the more happier you can keep your kid too.
It’s a Wrap!
Thank you Dr. Divya, Bindu and Kusuma for taking time to answer my umpteen questions patiently(yes you guys have become patient) and pouring your heart out without any filters what so ever. I love you guys. <3
I want to wrap this post up with this quote from Dr. Divya. I love her for being gutsy and saying it out, without a worry to sound correct.
“Honestly, I feel getting married is not just to have children. Being a mother is a lot of responsibility. I think women should be prepared for it before they decide to become moms.” – Dr Divya